D'ja Ever Notice?
Wow, I know I haven't updated my blog in weeks. There has been so much going on that is not good, I really haven't had the inclination to post. However, I am in quite the philosophical mood tonite, so I will bore/entertain/enlighten/annoy (pick one of your choice) you with the voices in my head. (said tongue in cheek . . . . please don't think I'm schizophrenic)
In contemplating the events of the last few weeks, I've been puzzled by a few things:
Why is it that the people that you positively know disliked or even hated the deceased act like they are mourning the most, so upset, the most compassionate??? (Key word is ACT here)
One word.....GUILT
OR....is it?
In the days after a death, the one who is closest to the deceased is, often times, not thinking too clearly. The above mentioned people will be the ones who come around, scouting things out, just waiting for that "thing" to be given to them. Or in some cases, "everything to be given to them". At times they will offer to clean things up or "take some clutter off your hands". I've even heard someone say they took possessions of the deceased to (and this is an actual quote) "keep the undesirables from getting it". Who deemed these people able to decide if someone is "desirable" or not??
I call this the Politics of Death.
Sometimes, they are outsmarted and get what they deserve, which is nothing to very little.
For instance, one of my family members came by after my father's funeral and asked my mother for something "to remember him by". Knowing full well that this person never came around during my father's illness, let alone didn't come around much at all, my mother, who was onto her game, gave her one of my dad's shirts. I'm not even sure it was one he wore. Apparently this person was hoping for jewelry or some collectible that dad cherished.
Don't get me wrong, its not like I want anything. I realize I may come off as bitter, but that isn't the case. Its just that it never ceases to amaze me to what lengths people will go to "get their share". Even after my dad died, I have never even accepted anything from my mother that was his except for one of his jackets, and that was only because I was at her house and was cold and she told me to take it. It was the one fireman's jacket he wore all the time and it means more to me than any amount of money in the world. The note he wrote me on my 8th grade graduation means more to me than anything else. Yes, it is nice to be remembered but not necessary. I've always felt that the earthly possessions of the deceased belong to the closest family member. What ever they want to do with it is fine, but I always question any rash decisions.
I have a thermometer that was my Grandfather's. Its one of those little houses that the man comes out with the raincoat & umbrella if its cloudy out, and if its sunny, a woman with a pretty dress comes out the other side. Every time I see it, I smile. I remember sitting on the sun porch with my grandpa and him telling me the most comical stories that he made up, with that thermometer hanging on the wall above us. These are the things that are precious.
Its just that watching the hypocrisy is so infuriating. This is not one single event, but over my lifetime, I've seen it too much. I've even heard people talking about what they want and/or will get when someone dies (who isn't even close to death). I've also heard things like "that bitch isn't getting anything" and "when so & so dies, we'll be millionaires" and so on. And often-times, if not all the time, the actual bereaved person is totally clueless, either because they don't see it, or don't want to see it.
Sorry for the long post. I'm ranting and in a mood. I'd love to hear if anyone out there has the same thoughts & feelings or whatever.
In contemplating the events of the last few weeks, I've been puzzled by a few things:
Why is it that the people that you positively know disliked or even hated the deceased act like they are mourning the most, so upset, the most compassionate??? (Key word is ACT here)
One word.....GUILT
OR....is it?
In the days after a death, the one who is closest to the deceased is, often times, not thinking too clearly. The above mentioned people will be the ones who come around, scouting things out, just waiting for that "thing" to be given to them. Or in some cases, "everything to be given to them". At times they will offer to clean things up or "take some clutter off your hands". I've even heard someone say they took possessions of the deceased to (and this is an actual quote) "keep the undesirables from getting it". Who deemed these people able to decide if someone is "desirable" or not??
I call this the Politics of Death.
Sometimes, they are outsmarted and get what they deserve, which is nothing to very little.
For instance, one of my family members came by after my father's funeral and asked my mother for something "to remember him by". Knowing full well that this person never came around during my father's illness, let alone didn't come around much at all, my mother, who was onto her game, gave her one of my dad's shirts. I'm not even sure it was one he wore. Apparently this person was hoping for jewelry or some collectible that dad cherished.
Don't get me wrong, its not like I want anything. I realize I may come off as bitter, but that isn't the case. Its just that it never ceases to amaze me to what lengths people will go to "get their share". Even after my dad died, I have never even accepted anything from my mother that was his except for one of his jackets, and that was only because I was at her house and was cold and she told me to take it. It was the one fireman's jacket he wore all the time and it means more to me than any amount of money in the world. The note he wrote me on my 8th grade graduation means more to me than anything else. Yes, it is nice to be remembered but not necessary. I've always felt that the earthly possessions of the deceased belong to the closest family member. What ever they want to do with it is fine, but I always question any rash decisions.
I have a thermometer that was my Grandfather's. Its one of those little houses that the man comes out with the raincoat & umbrella if its cloudy out, and if its sunny, a woman with a pretty dress comes out the other side. Every time I see it, I smile. I remember sitting on the sun porch with my grandpa and him telling me the most comical stories that he made up, with that thermometer hanging on the wall above us. These are the things that are precious.
Its just that watching the hypocrisy is so infuriating. This is not one single event, but over my lifetime, I've seen it too much. I've even heard people talking about what they want and/or will get when someone dies (who isn't even close to death). I've also heard things like "that bitch isn't getting anything" and "when so & so dies, we'll be millionaires" and so on. And often-times, if not all the time, the actual bereaved person is totally clueless, either because they don't see it, or don't want to see it.
Sorry for the long post. I'm ranting and in a mood. I'd love to hear if anyone out there has the same thoughts & feelings or whatever.
posted by Adriane @ 1:17 PM
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