D'ja Ever Notice?

Wow, I know I haven't updated my blog in weeks. There has been so much going on that is not good, I really haven't had the inclination to post. However, I am in quite the philosophical mood tonite, so I will bore/entertain/enlighten/annoy (pick one of your choice) you with the voices in my head. (said tongue in cheek . . . . please don't think I'm schizophrenic)

In contemplating the events of the last few weeks, I've been puzzled by a few things:
Why is it that the people that you positively know disliked or even hated the deceased act like they are mourning the most, so upset, the most compassionate??? (Key word is ACT here)

One word.....GUILT

OR....is it?

In the days after a death, the one who is closest to the deceased is, often times, not thinking too clearly. The above mentioned people will be the ones who come around, scouting things out, just waiting for that "thing" to be given to them. Or in some cases, "everything to be given to them". At times they will offer to clean things up or "take some clutter off your hands". I've even heard someone say they took possessions of the deceased to (and this is an actual quote) "keep the undesirables from getting it". Who deemed these people able to decide if someone is "desirable" or not??

I call this the Politics of Death.

Sometimes, they are outsmarted and get what they deserve, which is nothing to very little.
For instance, one of my family members came by after my father's funeral and asked my mother for something "to remember him by". Knowing full well that this person never came around during my father's illness, let alone didn't come around much at all, my mother, who was onto her game, gave her one of my dad's shirts. I'm not even sure it was one he wore. Apparently this person was hoping for jewelry or some collectible that dad cherished.

Don't get me wrong, its not like I want anything. I realize I may come off as bitter, but that isn't the case. Its just that it never ceases to amaze me to what lengths people will go to "get their share". Even after my dad died, I have never even accepted anything from my mother that was his except for one of his jackets, and that was only because I was at her house and was cold and she told me to take it. It was the one fireman's jacket he wore all the time and it means more to me than any amount of money in the world. The note he wrote me on my 8th grade graduation means more to me than anything else. Yes, it is nice to be remembered but not necessary. I've always felt that the earthly possessions of the deceased belong to the closest family member. What ever they want to do with it is fine, but I always question any rash decisions.

I have a thermometer that was my Grandfather's. Its one of those little houses that the man comes out with the raincoat & umbrella if its cloudy out, and if its sunny, a woman with a pretty dress comes out the other side. Every time I see it, I smile. I remember sitting on the sun porch with my grandpa and him telling me the most comical stories that he made up, with that thermometer hanging on the wall above us. These are the things that are precious.

Its just that watching the hypocrisy is so infuriating. This is not one single event, but over my lifetime, I've seen it too much. I've even heard people talking about what they want and/or will get when someone dies (who isn't even close to death). I've also heard things like "that bitch isn't getting anything" and "when so & so dies, we'll be millionaires" and so on. And often-times, if not all the time, the actual bereaved person is totally clueless, either because they don't see it, or don't want to see it.

Sorry for the long post. I'm ranting and in a mood. I'd love to hear if anyone out there has the same thoughts & feelings or whatever.

A "So-Long for now", not really a "Goodbye"

I just re-read my post from yesterday and decided that I had done a very poor job. My thoughts & sentences ramble on and repeat themselves. Guess after a wake and at 1 am, my thoughts were racing. So I apologize to anyone who has read it and had to scratch their heads to wonder what the heck I was talking about.

Today was the funeral for my husband's step-mom. I think today was the first day that it really hit me. I hadn't cried since I found out, but just kind of felt sick. But today, as we were walking past the casket one final time, I just fell apart. And in the church I couldn't stop crying. The sermon was lovely and very touching. Then it happened......well, let me explain something first to anyone who isn't catholic. In the catholic mass, you sit, stand & kneel. The pews have fold down kneelers with pads that are attached to the back of the pew in front of you that your row can kneel on. Normally, you leave the kneeler up until you need it so there is foot-room. So it comes time to kneel. My husband puts the kneeler down and kneels on it, like any good catholic should do. However.....he put it right on my foot....and knelt on it!!! I was trying to be quiet yet couldn't say anything because the pain was so bad. Finally I got out an "you've got it on my foot" through my teeth and hubby didn't understand me!!!! I had to say it two more times before he realized why I was still standing up. Thank goodness he was the only one who knelt down on it, otherwise I think I would have lost a good portion of my foot. Okay, okay....at least a good bruise. But it still hurt!

Anyway....it was a very sad day. And I also picked up Gregory Peckory's ashes from the vet. I really hope that this is the end of anyone or anything getting sick or dying in a LONG, LONG TIME. It's been way too much.

Rest In Peace, Rosemarie. You are loved.

Sad Day

I know I haven't posted in a while. My husband's step-mom passed away this past Monday night. She died peacefully in the hospital. Unfortunately, my husband and father-in-law were on the way to the hospital at the time and didn't get there until after she had passed. However, I truly believe that when a person dies, its the way it is supposed to be. Maybe not horrible accidents and such, but I mean when someone is sick for a long time. Sometimes it seems like the person waits for a certain person to visit. So I think she didn't want the men present when she died. It may sound silly, but to me it makes sense. Its hard to explain. When my dad died, he seemed to wait until the people who were closest to him were in the room. It was really weird because I have a huge family and the only ones there were the ones he felt took care of him. And I truly believe that he waited especially for my husband, who stayed in the hospital with him every night. He was trying to ask me something that day, but he couldn't talk and in retrospect, I think he was asking me where Chuck was. But I digress....

We had the wake today and the funeral mass & burial is tomorrow morning. Even though she was still on chemo for her cancer (diagnosed about 3 years ago) I never in a million years thought this would happen. Of course, when she got so bad in the hospital this time, I kind of expected it, but before that.....no way. And she was a fighter. She fought till the end. I have a lot of respect for the woman. She had been through so much, yet she still worried about her family and volunteered at a battered women's shelter, all while working full time through it all.

Wakes are a curiosity, aren't they? As one of my friends so bluntly put it, its a bunch of people carrying on different conversations that have nothing to do with why you are there, and there just happens to be a corpse in the room. Harsh, I know. But true. When I go to the "great beyond" I want one of several things and I will leave that up to my family. One....garbage bag in the trash....no worries. Two....prop me up with a martini in one hand and Dean Martin playing in the background. Three....(and this one is the most logical)....John Denver music playing throughout the service....no casket...just a memorial service but more of a celebration. A party. Either celebrate my life or celebrate that I'm gone. I won't care. Just have a good time.

My sister told me she saw an obituary in the paper today that at the end said something like:
"In lieu of flowers, please have a stiff drink and toast John X"
Isn't that just fabulous??? I asked her if she had that drink and she thought about it and said, "you know....I should". We have no idea who Mr. John X was, but hey, we're all for celebrating someone's life.

Well, tomorrow is an early morning for me. I usually don't do well in the mornings but I'll have to leave the house by 7:30 am to make it on time. With rush hour traffic, it'll take me probably an hour to get to the funeral home. My husband is staying with his dad. Dad has kept it together so far, and I just worry about him. He's going to be lost without her. But I know that he knows that Ro would want him to carry on and be strong. It's going to be hard though. When my dad died 4 years ago, I took it very hard and still can't get over it. And my mom.....well, they were married almost 60 years so you can imagine, she still can't believe that he's gone. They started dating when they were 13 years old! Life is so hard sometimes.

The Five Bears

Today I was driving home from a friend's house and saw a mama bear and her four cubs crossing the road in front of me. I never saw a bear with that many cubs before!! I pulled over to take this picture and by the time I figured out how to work my camera phone (its fairly new), they were pretty far away. The other cubs had ducked into one of the big evergreen trees. This is them walking into a church parking lot. Even though I see bears often, I still am amazed every time. They are so beautiful. I won't get into the bear hunt controversy here, but I think if people were more educated about them, there would be less of a problem....IMHO. Anyway, aren't they just stunning?

When I rescued Gregory & family

This is how I found Gregory, Serena, Joely & Mama Kitty (who is not in the picture). Gregory is the one in the back. They were about 5 weeks old, but when I found them I thought they were 2 weeks old. They were malnutritioned so they were alot smaller than they should have been.

I owned a pet sitting service for 7 years, ending about 6 years ago. I still have two clients, but at the time I had over 120 clients. This one client, thought I won't go into details, had plans for these kittens.....to sell them to a testing lab. (I have to admit, I did alot of snooping to find this out - its a long story).

So I called a friend of mine who is an Animal Control Officer. He looked up every statute to make sure I could take these kittens out of the yard I found them in without repercussions. Since the homeowners never told me they were living in the backyard, they were officially strays so I had every right to take them. Funny thing....the homeowners NEVER asked me about them...if I had seen them, etc. They didn't care one bit.

This picture shows (clockwise starting at top left): Mizzy (the Maine Coon), Gregory, Serena, Joely and Toby (the white cat). They were only a few months old here. I have to look for a more recent picture of Gregory. But here you can see what beautiful markings he had.

Toby is now gone too. He passed away last year of complications of diabetes. He was around 15 years old.

Yesterday, Gregory Peckory died in my arms.

He was diagnosed with liver disease about a month ago and had been on home IV fluid treatments. I had to force feed him baby food with an oral syringe because he wouldn't eat on his own. However, a few days ago he was picking at the dry and wet food which surprised me and puzzled me. I know all about liver disease and how the patient does not want to eat. I've seen cats that aren't eating eat a pretty good meal right before they die. So as much as I wanted to be excited that he was eating, I had my doubts. But never in a million years did I think yesterday would have been his last.

He seemed bonier than even the day before, but not horrible. He had been hiding out in my walk-in closet so I decided to put the litterbox in there for him in case he was weak and didn't want to walk to it. As I was moving the box, Gregory started crying. I picked him up and talked to him for about 20 minutes. I was going to get a blanket for him to lay on and when I put him down, he started crying again. Not a panicked cry, but a little scared cry. It was heartbreaking. So I picked him up and held him like a baby on his back, because he seemed most comfortable that way. He was tilting his head back because he couldn't breathe. I just sat with him for around an hour just talking softly to him and kissing him. I knew it was near the end. Then all of a sudden, he started having a little seizure. I ran out to the kitchen to get my husband and I just lost it. I couldn't even get the words out. I told my husband to call a vet so we can have him euthanized without him suffering. Of course, on a Saturday, our vet isn't available and apparently neither is any other vet. There are two emergency clinics but they are about an hour away and I knew he'd never make it and I didn't want him suffering that long.

As my husband looked for another vet, I told him to just stop. I knew it was soon. Chuck and I just sat with Gregory in my arms, talking to him, telling him how much we loved him and just bawling our eyes out. Then Gregory took two very deep breaths and was gone. He fought so hard.

Since my husband hasn't been home, it almost seemed like Gregory waited until he was there. And he totally didn't want to be alone...he wanted me to hold him, which is comforting. Of course, I tend to blame myself when this happens. I shouldn't have let him get so overweight....with all my experience I should have seen the disease coming. But, of course, its moot. I feed all my cats the same amount...some are skinny, some are fat. Its their makeup.

I'm having a private cremation and getting his ashes back. Unfortunately, the pet cemetery hasn't returned my phone call as they are closed all weekend. I'll have to wait until Monday. Gregory is wrapped in a blanket and he's in the downstairs bathroom. I don't keep looking at him because well, for one thing, its not him anymore...he's gone, its just his earthly shell. And when they pass, they don't even look like themselves. But just seeing the box with the blanket....I hate to have to go in there.

Gregory was such a personality, such a presence. I miss him so much already.

I'm Crazy!

I've been making stitch markers like there is no tomorrow. I have no idea what to do with them all, but I'm having so much fun making them, I just keep going. Today I made some Swarovski Crystal crochet markers for my friend Lisa. I just got Swarovski butterflies that are gorgeous and wanted to make her something special for being such a good friend. Since they were kind of expensive, I will only use these for certain things.

I have yet to put together my sweater...I tried seaming it and got frustrated. I tend to put things off that I'm afraid will come out terrible. Maybe today I will try again. Worse comes to worse, I'll go to a LYS and have them instruct me on how to do it so it looks good. Plus I can't sew to save my life, so that doesn't help matters.

Treated myself today

I ran down to the jewelry store in town today to drop off a set of Honora pearls I got for Christmas. I broke the string they were on and decided to have it hand knotted so it doesn't happen again. They were having a 50% off sale. Need I say more???

I had no intention of buying anything. I just walked past the showcases and it caught my eye. A cameo. Now, I am not a cameo person. But this one is different. Its blue....and has a cat on it!
So I asked to see it, never expecting to buy it, but for the price, I couldn't pass it up. It was half off of $220. I'll see if I can get a better picture in daylight tomorrow, but here it is for now, albeit a little blurry. Its about 1/2 inch in diameter and 14 k.

And of course, I saw a gorgeous pair of diamond earrings for my mom, but at over $1000 regular price, well, even if I could afford it, she'd kill me if I bought her something so expensive.

It just HURTS!

Now...I have a problem I've been dealing with for several months and its just not getting any better. I have a rash of some sort on my hand that itches, oozes, hurts like hell, peels, gets raw and is swollen. I've been to the dermatologist who says it is a form of psoriasis, but also an allergic reaction to something, but I haven't got a clue to what it is. I've never had this before and I can't imagine that all of a sudden something that I've been doing/using all my life is now creating this mess on my hand.

I thought maybe it was from a certain yarn. It is the finger I wrap my yarn around when I am knitting. The derm said that yarns with blue dye seem to cause problems...something about the indigo in it. I am working on the purple wrap for my sister, but I can't tell for sure if it is from that yarn since this will clear up and then come right back. I haven't worked on the wrap in two weeks so who knows. People have said it looks like poison ivy, but I can assure you, it is not.

I've tried Benedryl cream for the itching, which helps but burns. I have a script from the doc but that seems hit or miss lately. This picture is from today. It's looked 50 times worse - but its starting on that downswing of getting bad again. Anyone ever see anything like this??

Got My Puffy!

Today I received my "puffy" from my stitch-marker exchangee. Wow! The markers are soooo cute! Glass ladybugs with leaves and one with a sunflower charm....And these coool rainbow beaded beads! And I absolutely adore the handmade card! It is all embroidered....how creative is that??? Thank you so much Maile!!! And I love the fact that the markers are for larger size needles...most of the ones I have are for the small needles, so now I have a set of neat stitch markers for just about every size!!! Can't wait for the next round of this exchange.....
http://stitchmarkerexchange.blogspot.com/

Butterfly yarn swatch

Well, I couldn't wait to swatch the Butterfly yarn and to use my new knitting needles. It wasn't the gauge recommended, but, hey....new toys are meant to be played with!

As for the yarn, I like it, not in love with it but I'm sure it would look nice on a smaller needle. However, it is a little tricky to work with - but that may have been because of the plastic needles which, number one, I am not used to and number two, the yarn sticks to the plastic.

All in all, I'm not too impressed by the lighted needles. I may give them to a friend of mine. I've seen other lighted knitting needles that are clear and the entire needle lights up. They are probably ten times better than these, but they are alot more expensive too. The ones I have were $16. The clear ones go for about $40. I'd rather stick with my Lantern Moons or even just the bamboo.

I do have another use for these needles though....they are great for finding things under sofas, fridges, stoves, etc. that my cats have batted around and are missing. Beats moving furniture!

I signed up for http://www.yarnofthemonth.com/. I got my first sample pack yesterday of some really neat yarns. In order of the picture they are:

Manhattan by Lily Chin
87% Cotton, 13% Bamboo
very soft

Butterfly by Madil
72% Dralon, 18% Wool,
10% Polyamide
Very cool...can't wait to try it

Boucle Mohair by Be Sweet
90% Mohair, 10% Nylon
Again, very soft

Trinity by Jaeger
40% Silk, 35% Cotton, 25% Polyamide
Reminds me of the Silky Tweed by Elsbeth Lavold

I can't wait to swatch these and see how they work up. Oh, and with the membership to the YOM, you get a free pattern with it that corresponds with the yarn samples. I had my reservations about joining this club, but after my first pack, I think it was a nice idea. I'm pleased with the samples & the pattern is a nice plus. Its kind of nice to be able to swatch something first before investing in a full ball.

It never ends around here

I just found out our neighbor is in the hospital. He has pneumonia.
He is in the middle of re-doing his house - he's doing it himself with contractor friends. He has one and a half year old triplet girls and also has a immune disorder. This is not good. My husband went to see him today and he said that he's actually seen our neighbor look worse when he wasn't in the hospital, but I don't know if that is good or bad. He's supposed to get out of the hospital after the weekend.

I've posted some yarn for sale on destash.blogspot.com. I have Lion Boucle, Lion Homespun, a hand painted chenille and a 100% acrylic "homespun" that I got on ebay a few summers ago.
I thought these yarns would be good for stuff to donate, but I'm not doing anything with them and if someone else can use them, all the better.

More Stitch Marker Madness

Dharma

First off, I'd like to introduce you to Dharma. She is 4 years old. I've had her since she was about 6 weeks old - she was found by a friend of a friend. Every day she leaps up to the door handle of my office when she sees me heading toward it. She is one cat I can trust to NOT pull apart my WIP's and balls of yarn. She pretty much leaves them alone and sticks to her own toys.

And...the stitch markers are for another exchange I'm doing. They are so much fun to make and I'm starting to get really good at it.

Finally!

YAY! It worked!